it struck me again today, it hasn't for a while. well, not since dia mentioned it months ago.
the fact is, online, especially when i'm at home, i'm a very different person than i am in real life. it's as though all those years i spent developing a sense of humor just disappear. i think this is one of the reasons that i have trouble getting along with people online who i'm fine with in person.
and the fact that i'm such a different person makes it very difficult for me to keep in touch with people through this thing we call internet. because as much as it's supposed to bring everyone closer, it doesn't quite work as well as talking to someone face to face.
after all, unless i'm right in front of you, how do you know when i'm flirting with you, when i'm teasing you, when i'm getting taht you're teasing me? there's so much potential for miscommunication when all communication comes in typed words.
it's not even as personal as handwriting, where at least some emotion can be detected. and as much as we all try to personalize our fonts, a font isn't really the same.
i can sit here and type, and thoughts will come out of me for the next hour. but in the end, how much of that will i have meant? how much of it will i even remember? you know, i go back and reread old entries all the time, thinking, 'did i really write that?' sometimes it's a particular insight, sometimes it's a feeling i had that seems just rediculous in hindsight.
there are some people with whom i can be more consistently myself online. or at least there used to be.... i wonder if there still are?
i miss human contact. i miss hugs, and cuddling. i miss being able to converse with nothing but the look in my eye.
i'm crossposting this to my other journal.